hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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