you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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