She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
