I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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