just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
