I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
