I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
