just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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