I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
