Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
