just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
