Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
