Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize