he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think your dad took our porno
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
