hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize