I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
