Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
