i think my tv is drunk
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
