Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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