i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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