I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
