in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
