just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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