What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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