Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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