Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
