i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
