Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
