Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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