I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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