Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
