Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize