omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
