hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
