His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
