That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize