PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
