There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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