I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
