Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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