What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
