I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
