totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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