was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
