i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
