he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
