Michael Bay diarrhea
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
