dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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