just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
why is half of my head shaved?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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