is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
