My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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