Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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