If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My dick has a subreddit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
