All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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