i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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