I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize