dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
