Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
