fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
