Don't you send me to vm
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
