can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
