Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
